What it's REALLY like having Big Boobs.

Big boobs run in my family. I have The Gaffneys on my dads side to thank for that. My cousins and I discuss the ridiculous price of DD+ bras on the regs. Girls with average size boobs get to shop for bras at Primark. Complete with undies to match for £4? Go 'ed. However, if I know I'm gona get lucky with a fella, (which lets be honest is abaar every 6 months cos am a born again virgin) then I have to spend £30 a pop for a semi decent one that isn't nude or plain. So anyway I decided to make a list of things that do me head in about having big boobs.

1. The price of bras.

2. Knowin that whatever top you wear, they draw more attention than a sale at Primark on Giro Day.

3. You can't wear office attire without looking like something off youporn. Especially if y'av got ya glasses on. Pencil skirts and blouses are gamble.

4. Men think you're easy. Wrong. I'm a fridge who never cops off, constantly friend zoned and convinced I'll never find my "bae".

5. Women who are slightly less endowed are proper nasty to ya. Ya mates birds constantly watch ya round them. If ya on a night out in a low cut top or dress, girls get all insecure and giggle about you in little covens round the dance floor. Sniggerin behind their clutches from BU. I've been branded a slag just for wearing a vest top. Would you say that to a girl with B cups love? No, probably not. 

6. Titty moisture. Right down the cleave. Sounds a bit sexy? It's really not. It's uncomfortable and vulg. 

7. You have to cross ya arms if you don't want to draw attention to them. This makes ya look like you have a massive cob on. Even if you're feeling proper amazin. 

8. Knowing that if you breast feed, they may drop lower than ya standards do after 6 glasses of Vodka and Cranno in The Raz in a Thursday night. 

9. Before ya vile beaut of an auntie visits once a month, (no, not ya auntie Carol with her HRT an Silk Cut who swindles ya nans pension on the sly) it's sheer agony. If someone is pushed into ya on a bus or in the tube ya wanna just sob into their Kindle Fire. 

10. Running. Instant nob head. Everyone laughs at ya an they KILL afterwards.

11. Sleepin on ya front. Ya feel like ya hovering 3 feet in the air. 

12. Red marks off ya bra fucking EVERYWHERE. Gorj.

13. Crumbs get down there. A lot. I found a dollop of Nutella an some chopped nuts in me cleave last week so I put them on a Kingsmill Waffle. 

I'm not gona sit here and say "Oh God I can't cope with me life cos am a big titted bitch". It is boss like but they're the down sides! On the plus side, I look BOSS in a Hooters top and I get served first at the bar. That's amazin in itself cos I actually can't stand queueing. It makes me want to cry harder than when me socks get wet in the rain. 

Tra babes xoxoxox