Thursday 15 October 2015

It Has Begun....

When you give up your life in London to come back home for a bit? You miss Scouse men, (obviously), you needed to look after your mum and dad before you eventually have to put them in a care home.....am I right guys?

But what if you've been here a couple of months, back in Liverpool and you still can't get your head around things. You still carry your bank cards around with your Oyster in a card wallet, your scouse tones have not returned 100% and you can't deal with 40 conversations a day about what "the baby did the other day it was proper funny!" ..... Please bear in mind, "The Baby" can range from foetus to an 18 year old lad. Everyone is already planning Christmas because it's the only thing worth getting excited about, and  every Friday consists of "getting on the wine coz acaaaarnt cope".

I wake up everyday longing for quiet journeys to work, not to be stopped by neighbours asking me what I'm doing, where I'm working, how me mum an dad are; footballs being kicked or "volleyed against the window". But alas. I myself, can't cope, and as I look to my nails; my once so short and neat nails, they have now developed into talons, and before I know it the mitt is upon my hand and the mousse slathered across my freckled torso. On my back too, depending on who's around to do it for me.

So far, the hair remains its fiery self. The rollers have been left in London, covered in cobwebs due to the fact I've let it roam free like the lions mane it is for the past 9 months. I am Barry Gibb, here me.....roar? Well, not roar, maybe squeak.....

The make up has toned down, and the eyebrows remain like a wannabe Cara Delevigne. However, the weight has piled on due to all the sausage roll pasties I've been eating, and I've been snarling my way through Picton like Jennifer Ellison finding the pound bakery closed.

All I need now is a child called Teegan/Kelseigh/Lexie/Lucas/Connor/Adam/Callum and I'm settled. As long as they all get to see their dads this weekend so I can get on the wine, go to bed, moan about me hangover on iron their uniforms, am fuckin sound!

It has begun......