Do you know how many Easter Eggs I've consumed the past few weeks? No, neither do I I have lost count.
"Ya not supposed to eat them before Easter! That's terrible!!"
Oh sorry, were you in church on Sunday? No, thought not. Plus, I ate fish on Good Friday so on you. I nearly set fire to the flat cooking it, but oh well.
This past few weeks, it hasn't half felt good to be a Scouser. We had the 25th anniversary for The Hillsborough disaster, which in my opinion, brought us all closer :) It's not about football, it's about us all sticking together, and we did. Plus, Liverpool are top of the league, and Everton are 5th. For the first time in aaaaages, I've seen Reds supporting Blues and vice versa. Isn't that nice tho? There is no room for argy bargy in our city <3 Did anyone go the Charity game yesterdee? If so, giz a geg at ya piccys of Redknapp in his shorts will ya? Ta.
Also, what's been getting raaaaar on me Hackney Wick is when people ask ya if they can "grab" something off ya. "Can I grab a coffee?" "Do you want to grab a chair?" "Yes thanks love, I will, I'll grab this coffee an swill ya grid with it, then grab the chair an twist raaaar round your swede."
I'm on a roll this week. I'll tell ya about the club I went to a few weeks back. It was a Friday night, and me mate suggested we go The Big Chill on Brick Lane. Fuck. Me. I have never seen such a palarver just to enter a bleedin building. They searched AND frisked me, TWICE upon entry. I said "Where dya think we are? 10 Downing Street?" Got in there, and at first I thought the punters were dancing ironically. Turns out they were deadly serious. There were 2 fellas who had so much tan on, they looked the colour of my hair. Twice one of them smiled at me. I laughed at him. Arlass me. They thought they were in a Bruno Mars video, nodding their heads in slow motion and high fiving everytime a girl walked past. £10 for a drink. And there were fucking kitten heels EVERYWHERE. Calling it pretentious is an understatement. I've never seen so many hipster dickheads gathered in one place. The girls hadn't so much as looked at a hairbrush, never mind a pair of straighteners or a set of rollers. Safe to say I won't be going there again, unless it's for research purposes. I am yet to find a place in East London that I like dancing and drinking in. Essex is more my brew <3 And the fella's are tasty too.
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Did I tell yas about when I went to Liverpool Street Station few weeks back and got approached by this little fella in a red polo? Looked like he worked at Wilkos. I tapped in, and he chased me halfway down the platform. "Scuse me miss, you didn't tap in, can I see your Oyster Card?" I said, "I did tap in. Can I see your ID please?"
I swear to God, he had what looked like a blank postcard, taped to a bit of string, with scribbles on. "Staff - Liverpool St Station. "Shall we go find your manager?" I asked. As I led him, he ran off. "Ay mate!!!" I shouted at a fella in a Greater Anglia jacket. "Some little fella just tried to con me!" I explained what had happened and he asked for a description of him. "Small, Asian fella in a red polo" I said. "Well there's only two of us on tonight, and we're both black isn'ni?". He laughed, told me he would turf him out if he saw him again and off I trotted on me train.
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I made a roast dinner with American George, who lobbed the chicken in a pan an put it in the oven. Always remember to use an oven glove when doing this, unlike soft ass Ginge here who forgot it was hot one night and nearly took off her finger prints. Slept with me hand in a bowl of ice water. Don't worry, I didn't piss meself.
Tra xoxoxoxo
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